OCCULT VIEW

After my mother died recently, my father had an extraordinary experience. 

My mother had a strong attachment to family and home.  She was a stay-at-home mom for most of her life.  Family and home were the center of her life.  A few weeks ago she passed away.  After feeling a pain in her abdomen, she went for a scan.  They found a tumor on her pancreas, the worst type of cancer.  With a speed I thought not possible, she became ill and within weeks died in a terrible way, entering into a place of pain and suffering.  I can only be thankful she did not suffer for long, which is very little to be thankful for.

This was very hard on my father, who cared for my mom the best he could, but was helpless as he watched the symptoms of the cancer rapidly progress.  After over 50 years of marriage, my father was suddenly alone.  My father is a no-nonsense guy, and not a religious man.  He said he did not know if there is life after death, but he doubted it.  However, he said he knew  mom was not suffering anymore, even if she was only in oblivion.

Then a few days ago my dad told me his story.  It was early evening, eleven days after my mom died.  He was sitting in a basement room that was made into a little office.  He was on his computer doing some stuff, when he noticed a bright light in the corner of his right eye, where the open doorway was.  He turned a bit to look, when the light slowly moved behind him and to his left.  He looked to his left and saw a bright pillar of light.  The light was not on the wall, but in midair, and as tall as a person.  As the light had passed behind him, a fragrance filled the room, of flowers and lavender, as if someone were wearing a strong perfume.

My dad said the scent reminded him of perfume my mom liked to wear as a young lady.  The light was bright, lasted for a number of seconds, then faded away.  But the fragrance lingered longer.  Dad said he was overcome with a feeling of true peace.  And he felt…not words, but some knowledge, as if mom impressed on him that she was ok now, and for him to “Go do your thing.”  Go on with life.

When dad told me his story, I was amazed.  He said he thinks mom visited him one last time before going on to wherever she is going.  And that he’ll not see her again, until his turn comes.

I believe Mom had visited him one last time.  Perhaps dad needed to know mom still exists, and there is hope for life after death.   Dad seemed to have a change of heart about some things now. He seems more open to possibilities, and at peace after mom’s passing.

I’ve been thinking about funerary customs and the significance of the symbolism involved.  The symbolism of the traditional Christian funeral is obvious.  The Christian concept of the resurrection is reflected in the modern burial.  The body is buried in a nice casket since there is the belief the physical body will be recreated on Judgment Day. 

The purpose of embalming, dressing and using cosmetology on the deceased comforts the living.  Dead bodies are scary things.  Really, the trappings of the wake and funeral are for the living, not the dead.  The flowers, music, the funeral procession are for those who remain. 

I know some Bulgarians, and they have their own unique funeral traditions.  A few years ago I was invited to a Bulgarian friend’s wake for his mother.  It was held at a Bulgarian Orthodox Church in Chicago.  I had never been to a Bulgarian Orthodox Church before so it was very interesting.  The priest spoke in Bulgarian, but I was told it was a very old version of Bulgarian that Bulgarians today barely understand.   The church’s characteristic religious iconography was in full display and was quite different from what one would see other churches. 

Bulgarian Orthodox Church

Bulgarians believe another informal memorial service should be held 40 days after the wake, for the soul of the departed.  After attending the original service, I was indeed invited 40 days later to their second memorial service.  What about this idea of a 40 day mourning period?  It is their tradition.  Here is what this tradition means from what I have been told.

It is suggested that the dead may not necessarily depart the physical world immediately after death.  The soul may linger, returning to the places were they lived and frequented during life.  The departed may return to their daily routines and live the same life for a certain period of time because the soul cannot change itself so quickly.  This is something new for the soul.  Therefore the relatives and friends of the departed have to help the soul feel comfortable.  During these 40 days, when there is a family dinner, a place should be left at the dinner table for the departed and a meal set-aside at his or her favorite spot.  The family should continue to talk with the departed soul, so the soul will not feel frustrated that nobody is listening to them.   Eventually during this time, the soul will understand nobody can hear what they say, and that things have changed.  And they will come to understand they have to move on to their new existence beyond.  During this time, the dead will gradually break free of their connection to life, and by the 40th day they will have departed the physical world to be united with God. 

I was told of another tradition held in Bulgaria where a special cup of wine is often left at the tombstone.  Also, there was a glass box with a candle inside.  The glass box was used to prevent the candle from being extinguished.  Every time a loved one visited the grave, they would replace and light the candle and refill the wine cup.  These traditions are what the souls of Bulgarians expect.  After death, the souls could become confused, and these traditions help guide the dead towards their final destiny.

These unique Bulgarian customs are not meant to only comfort the living, but to actually comfort the dead and guide them to accept their new existence.  For them death is a gradual process, and they continue to communicate with the dead during that time.  It is a very spiritual way to accept death.  Is it a better approach then our modern commercial approach to funerals, where we bury and then try to forget?

My dad and I picked up my mom’s ashes from the funeral home yesterday.  My dad chose a nice urn, a box patterned with flowers.  He put it on a space beneath a painting of the Madonna my mom had painted many years ago (pictured above).

My mom and dad were married in 1953.  Back then when they were dating, my mother lived with her grandmother, while my dad rented a tiny apartment elsewhere.  They had dated for about a year when one evening  my dad was lying down in his bedroom.   He was startled to see my mom’s grandmother in the open bedroom doorway.  She stopped at the door, looked at my dad with a sad look on her face, then left.  Mom’s grandma was not in my dad’s apartment.  My dad saw some sort of apparition.  Three days after his experience, my mom’s grandmother died in her sleep of old age.  My mom discovered her grandma dead and was in a panic attack.  My mom and dad married shortly after her grandmother’s passing.
 
Did my father experience an apparition premonition in 1953?   I’ve heard a number of such stories first-hand.  Maybe it was an actual apparition, or a mental premonition of something that just happened or is soon to occur.

Over the decades my parents had their up and downs in their relationship like everybody else, but they stuck together through the good times and the bad times.  When my mom was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago, it was the worst of times.  My father’s concern was that my mother would not suffer.  I have now seen terminal cancer’s terrible consequences in my family, and it is an awful experience.  I have personal sympathy with all who has gone through this ordeal.

Two nights after my mom passed away, my dad way lying in bed asleep, when something awoke him.  He said it felt like someone was touching, holding his hand, which was laid out on the bed.  He suddenly awoke and was startled by the physical sensation, as if someone had physically moved his fingers.
  
He thought maybe mom visited him one last time, to let him know she was ok.  I think that is what happened.  Mom wanted dad to know everything was fine, don’t worry about her anymore.  We don’t have to worry about the dead they are at peace.  Worry is only for the living and those who remain.

A month ago my mother felt a pain in her midsection.  My dad took her for a CAT scan.  The doctors found something that did not look good on her pancreas.  A biopsy was scheduled.  A week later they took a sample.  When the results came back, they said my mom had maybe two weeks to live.  I got this news while driving home from work and I could not believe it.  I believed that as long as we live, there is hope, and anything is possible.  My mom survived colon cancer from twelve years ago, when she was given only six months to live.

This time, the two weeks to live was accurate almost to the day.  My mom got her first chemo treatment Tuesday August 18.  She did not live to make it to her next Tuesday chemo treatment.  Over the weekend she got too weak for my dad to care for her, and he called an ambulance to take her to the hospital.   In a few days, on Monday August 24 she passed away.

I am in shock how cancer can kill so fast.  The only comfort is her end came quickly and she did not linger in pain for long.  Many people who suffer from cancer suffer a terrible, awful ordeal for months.

I believe in a spiritual existence, and my mother is now in peace.  I don’t worry about my mom anymore, she is fine now.  I now have to worry about my dad.  Mom and dad have been married for over 50 years.  I have to keep an eye on my father, and make sure he handles being alone, and adapts to a new chapter in his life.

Death personified in Ingmar Berman's Seventh Seal

I’ve been away from blogging the past couple of weeks.  My mom has been diagnosed with cancer of the pancreas, liver and lung.  So I‘ve not been in a blogging mood lately.   I wrote about how my mum survived colon cancer 12 years ago, with the aid of serious vegetable juicing.  Back then she was given 6 months to live, but survived against all odds.  Recently she had her annual scan and was free of any sign of cancer.  Now it suddenly emerged form nowhere.  I find it grimly ironic and sad that after I blogged about how my mother survived cancer, it returned. 

http://occultview.com/2009/07/06/surviving-fatal-cancer-with-vegetable-juice/

I have a friend who is a certified Pentecostal minister and another friend who is a pagan active in his local pagan community.  Both had prayers/healing rituals sent towards my mum.  I think Pentecostals and Pagans are both magical people in their own unique way.  Thank you Lettrice and Jamie.

Is it possible to cheat death?  Do we all have a time to die, set in stone, and nothing we can do will avoid it?  Do we have a date stamp on our lives, with an expiration date?

I wrote about a dear friend of mine who died of cancer.  How I hate cancer!  During an operation he nearly died and  he had an out-of-body, near-death experience.  At the end of this experience, a Voice told him “You have to go back, it is not your time yet.”  He survived for three more years before his cancer returned and took him down.  Back then we’d talk about his experience, and what was meant by “It’s not your time yet.”  This suggests we all have our time to perish and nothing we do will avoid it.
 
http://occultview.com/2009/01/14/near-death-out-of-body-experience/

However, is it still possible to cheat death?

Can destiny and free will coexist?  Maybe our lives are like a movie.  Our past, present and future already co-exist.  Just like watching a movie, we live in the present.  But like a movie, there is a conclusion that we have not reached yet.  How else to explain phenomena like premonitions…glimpses of a few frames ahead?

I say we can cheat death, if only temporarily.  Our choices in the present create our future.  If our lives are like frames in a movie, then we are, to some extent, the director of our lives.  If we have a set time to die, we don’t have only one expiration date, but many possible dates depending on our choices in life.  Like a loaf of bread in the grocery store, we can pick the loaf with a later expiration date if we take the time to read the labels.  We can choose to live an unhealthy or risky lifestyle that will put us on one life track with its own expiration date.  Or we can live a life of good habits changing our personal expiration.  This is all obvious.

However, there is always the possibility of random chance emerging.  The chaos of life.  A disaster, a car crash, an accident, an unexpected illnes, something that has nothing to do with our personal choices outside of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.  If lifestyle choices can cheat death to some extent, can we also cheat the Grim Reaper when it comes chance and luck?

I’d suggest this might also be possible, if we develop and listen to our intuition.  If life is a movie, we might change the ending if we have a glimpse of the outcome.  I think this happens far more often then anybody realizes.  Everyday someone senses something is amiss, and acts differently.  Don’t go there, don’t do that.  Avoid being at the wrong place at the wrong time.  And some people seem to gravitate to being at the wrong place and time like a magnet, attracting endless trouble into their life.  Do we want to go down that dark alley?  It can often be a fatal choice.  My family seemed to cheat death in 1967.

http://occultview.com/2009/06/13/a-premonition-saved-our-lives-1967-oak-lawn-tornado/

If we listen to our instincts, and sharpen our intuition, maybe we can cheat death (and other misfortune) for a time.

When it comes to cancer, can we still cheat death?  It reminds me of the classic Ingmar Berman film, the ‘Seventh Seal’, where a knight is playing a chess game with the personification of Death.  If the knight loses the game, Death claims him.  The film suggests we have some control over our life’s chessboard, if only for a short time and as far as it goes.   We all lose in the end; the point is to keep playing the game.  We have to be a fighter and not be passive when the Reaper is knocking on our door. 

In the end, we do all have our day, sooner or later.  Death is a part of life; we can hope it is later and painless.  I just hope my mom will be ok.  I love my mom.