My mom died Monday

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A month ago my mother felt a pain in her midsection.  My dad took her for a CAT scan.  The doctors found something that did not look good on her pancreas.  A biopsy was scheduled.  A week later they took a sample.  When the results came back, they said my mom had maybe two weeks to live.  I got this news while driving home from work and I could not believe it.  I believed that as long as we live, there is hope, and anything is possible.  My mom survived colon cancer from twelve years ago, when she was given only six months to live.

This time, the two weeks to live was accurate almost to the day.  My mom got her first chemo treatment Tuesday August 18.  She did not live to make it to her next Tuesday chemo treatment.  Over the weekend she got too weak for my dad to care for her, and he called an ambulance to take her to the hospital.   In a few days, on Monday August 24 she passed away.

I am in shock how cancer can kill so fast.  The only comfort is her end came quickly and she did not linger in pain for long.  Many people who suffer from cancer suffer a terrible, awful ordeal for months.

I believe in a spiritual existence, and my mother is now in peace.  I don’t worry about my mom anymore, she is fine now.  I now have to worry about my dad.  Mom and dad have been married for over 50 years.  I have to keep an eye on my father, and make sure he handles being alone, and adapts to a new chapter in his life.

15 Responses to “My mom died Monday”

  1. Stephanie Says:

    I’m very sorry, David. My grandmother is failing and I worry about my aunt that’s been taking care of her for the past twenty years. It’s hard when there’s a hole in your life.

    But I don’t believe good souls are no more and I know she’ll be with you and your father to help you through this challenging time.

  2. *lynne* Says:

    Oh! I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like you’re dealing with it in a healthy manner, though – yay for you :) I wish you and family all the best.

  3. Arlene deWinter Says:

    I was thinking about a lot the last couple of days. Now I know why. Sorry to hear about your mother’s death. I wish you and your dad the best.
    Take care,
    Arlene

  4. Monique Elisabeth Says:

    Sorry about your loss.

  5. Alex Rondini Says:

    My deepest condolences. I too lost a parent to cancer. All the best to you.

  6. David Says:

    Thanks Stephanie. It is a universal experience, seeing our parents and elders pass away. We all go through that, until we ourselves become an elder. Then it is our turn. When we get to a certain age, it becomes “who is the last elder” standing. Recently I had an uncle die in his car from a heart attack while driving his wife (my father’s sister). Now my mom, from out of nowhere as well. We never know when it will be our time. It is still hard anyway.

  7. David Says:

    Thanks Lynne,
    I really don’t feel bad for my mom now she is gone. When she was suffering it was horrible. But now has peace. I truly believe in a spiritual existence, the details we’ll only truly know when our turn comes. And if I am wrong and there is nothing beyond? There still is peace. My father is something of an agnostic. But he told me last night, while trying to sleep, he felt as if someone was holding his hand. It felt like a physical sensation. That he mentioned this to me meant it was significant to him. If real, maybe mom wanted him to understand she still exists.

  8. David Says:

    Thanks Arlene,
    A death in the family is hard on the living, not those who passed away. My mom is gone, and I want my dad to stick around. Since my dad does not read blogs, I can say this. I worry about him. I hear stories of couples who have been married a lifetime. When one dies, the other is not far behind. My dad is a tough guy, and I don’t think he’ll go down that road. But who knows? It sucks getting old.

  9. David Says:

    Thanks Monique,
    It is said time heals all wounds, and that is true. I have to get back to blogging again. That is something I enjoy. I have to distract myself.

  10. David Says:

    Thanks Alex, I am sorry to hear about your parent. Now that I have personally seen the consequences of terminal cancer, I feel as kindred with anyone who has gone through the same thing. We know. Its awfulness cannot be explained, only experienced. Before this, I really had no idea. Now I know.

  11. Natalina Says:

    Oh David, I wish I’d seen this post sooner. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m certain that you’re correct…your mother is at peace. My prayers are with you and your father my friend. Peace of mind to both of you.

  12. David Says:

    Hi Liani,
    I never knew cancer could kill so quickly. I always imagined cancer was a drawn out process. But not always. When I heard my mom had pancreatic cancer, I knew the chances were grim. I believe there is only a 5% chance of survival after 5 years with pancreatic cancer. But to perish in less then a month? I still can’t comprehend that.

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  14. Cris Says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I to lost my mom on Tuesday Oct. 27, 2009 at 6.49p.m. from gallbladder cancer, it had also spread to her pancreas, and lungs. She was diagnosed with it in June and tried chemo, because she loved us so much that she wanted to fight for us and her grandkids, whom she adored. My mom left a fighter in my arms in her home with her family around her telling her that we loved her. Cancer is an ugly killer, that killed my mom, she was only 67 years old and was not ready to die. My dad my sisters, my brother, and I all grieve for her and will grieve for her for a long time. When my mom left a large hole in my heart was put in, called pain. It is the worse hurt ever to have your mom die. The only comfort I have is that she is not in pain or having seizures (cancer also had spread to her brain during the last week) anymore. Mom looked like she was smiling when she laid in her bed while we waited for the hearse to pick her up. I am just grateful for Hospice who was there to help us so much and have mom’s last wishes granted. To be at her home and not in the hospital on her last days. I am so sorry that you are hurting also, maybe someday the medical world will have a cure or a way to diagnose Gallbladder and Pancreatitis cancer early enough to be able to do something on time.

  15. David Says:

    Hi Cris,
    I am sorry for your loss too. We are joined together in this awful shared experience, the death of someone we love from cancer. Before my mom died, I really didn’t understand. Now I know. My mom died quickly, but at the end it was awful. She was yellow from jaundice, and they had to raise her legs to get the blood to flow to her heart. She wanted to leave the hospital and return home. Well, she only spent three days there and left earth after that. I wonder why we can’t find a cure for cancer. Why???
    Dave

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